Today, I planned on spending time with my sisters. However, I ended up spending the whole day with my friends. My morning started at around 8:30 a.m., when I had to wait for a Sears maintenance representative to fix my refrigerator at my new house. After he left, I picked up one of my friends, and then dropped her off to another friend's house.
Afterwards, I was pretty tired because I am not a morning person, and my body was still in shock from waking up so early. Therefore when I got home, I had plans to take a thirty minute nap. However, I ended up having an hour conversation with another friend of mine before I finally took my long anticipated nap. When I went to take my nap, I had set my alarm for thirty minutes after the time. Instead, I ended up waking up two hours later with another phone call from another friend who needed to be picked up from work.
After I picked my friend up, we went shopping for a couple of hours, and then picked up my friend that I dropped off that morning. When I picked her up, we went driving through various cities, and just having fun with each other. It was a very fun, hectic, and unplanned day.
Dominique, thanks for suggesting that I read your latest post and check up on your blog! I really liked reading about your day and learning about how dedicated you are to your friends. Sounds like a lot activity with friends--my kind of day! Your post was also clearly written--I easily followed your day--and thoughtful in its attention for the reader. A couple of suggestions: 1) Try to be even more explicit and more detailed about the events (in English classes, you'll hear this described as "showing, not telling") as more "showing" language will give your readers a better sense of the emotions behind the actions. 2) While you write really clearly about the chain of events, you'll want, in the future, to vary how you structure your sentences. You begin a lot of sentences with a transitional adverb (Afterwards, Therefore, However...) and when you include a lot of these words in a row, your writing begins to seem less fluid than if you found other ways to join your ideas. Overall, though, this was solid piece of writing.
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